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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Mitt Romney Frantically Running Around Ohio Smiling And Waving

CANTON, OH—As part of an effort to cut into President Obama’s lead in the crucial swing state of Ohio, Mitt Romney reportedly ran at full speed Monday around the entire state screaming “Hello!” at the top of his lungs while smiling and waving indiscriminately. “Hello, Ohio! How ya doing? Hi! How is everybody? I’m Mitt Romney!” the breathless, sweat-drenched candidate spat out randomly as he tore across the state without pause, furiously kissing babies and tossing them backwards over his shoulder in a mad dash that has now taken him through 30 of Ohio’s 88 counties. “The beautiful state of Ohio! Go Buckeyes! Jobs! Ohio! Hello! I’m Mitt Romney!” At press time, Romney had reportedly dived through the plate-glass front window of a North Canton bar, scrambled to his feet, wolfed down a large plate of pancakes, waved to restaurant patrons for five seconds, furiously stammered out a few words about the economy, stumbled out through the front door, and sprinted in the direction of Youngstown.

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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