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Politics

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Mitt Romney Reaches Out To Young Voters With Laser Tag Pizza Party

MANCHESTER, NH—Seeking new ways to appeal to the 18-to-29-year-old electorate, Mitt Romney hosted the first of several planned “Rockin’ Romney Friday Nite GOPizza Parties” at a local amusement center, featuring laser tag, rock and roll music, and free pepperoni pizza for every eligible voter. “Hey, gang, come grab a slice of pizza and play all the games you want!” the 65-year-old candidate shouted while handing out video game tokens and Romney 2012 lick-and-stick tattoos. “Get yourself a root beer, too. And have fun! But no horseplay, okay?” Attendee Bradley Stafford, 27, stated that while he personally had no objection to the offering of laser tag, he would have preferred a discussion of policies that might help his family keep its home out of foreclosure, as well as some diet soda options.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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