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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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MLB Bans Managers From Using Electric Prods To Force Players Into Batting Cages

NEW YORK—In response to widespread calls to end the barbaric practice, Major League Baseball issued a statement Thursday banning electric prods as a means to force players into batting cages. “There is no doubt the prods work, but giving players a painful shock in order to drive them into batting cages is both cruel and inhumane,” said MLB commissioner Bud Selig, noting that many veteran players show visible scarring from years of being guided into the cages with the two-pronged high-voltage electrical devices. “If these players are simply given more time out in the field during games, they will be far less reluctant to get in the cages later. Most are visibly terrified the second they see their manager get the prod out, and once they catch a glimpse of the pitching machine, it’s far more difficult to move them without a fight.” Reached for comment, many MLB managers revealed their skepticism regarding an effective method to move larger, more aggressive players like Matt Adams and A.J. Pierzynski into a batting cage without some level of brute force.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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