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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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MLB Organizes Support Group For Players Who Identify As Inter-League

NEW YORK—Offering a “safe and accepting environment for those who feel they have nowhere to go,” officials from Major League Baseball announced Thursday the formation of The Outfield, a new support group for players who identify as inter-league. “Not everyone views themselves as just American League or just National League, so we want them to know they’re not alone,” said The Outfield’s leadership coordinator and former inter-leaguer Orel Hershiser, adding that though the number of inter-league players in the MLB has tripled since 1997, many are still bullied and harassed by their peers. “There is, frankly, still a large stigma associated with the inter-league label. It can be incredibly difficult for designated hitters, for example, when they first realize they’re inter-league, thinking that they’re weird or abnormal. The Outfield community can encourage them to have the confidence to stand up and say, ‘I am inter-league, and there’s nothing wrong with that.’” MLB officials also confirmed that a similar group for homosexual players would be unnecessary, noting that no gay men have ever played professional baseball in the history of the sport.

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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