adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
End Of Section
  • More News

MLB Recommends Teams Limit Amount Of Screen Time For Rookies

NEW YORK—Citing the numerous studies linking the overuse of electronic devices to stunted development, the MLB reportedly sent a memo to all 30 teams Tuesday that recommended limiting the amount of screen time for rookies. “During that incredibly important first year, coaches should ideally prohibit players from spending more than two hours per day in front of computers, phones, and TVs,” read the memo authored by MLB medical director Dr. Gary Green, warning that excessive screen time could have significant consequences for rookies’ physical fitness, concentration at the plate, and ability to socialize with teammates. “Although it’s easy and convenient to simply sit rookies down with an iPad or in front of the clubhouse TV to keep them occupied, teams need to realize that these players are still at a precarious place in their cognitive, physical, and emotional development. While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, rookies’ screen time should be mostly dedicated to high-quality programming, such as tape of opposing pitchers. Ultimately, it’s up to teams to make smart decisions that will benefit their rookies’ long-term growth.” The memo also recommended that coaches designate screen-free times for the whole team, such as group dinners or while in bed at the team hotel.

More from this section

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close