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Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.
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MLB Unsure Why It Ever Agreed To Hold League-Wide 'Teeny Tiny Boy Shorts Day'

NEW YORK—Major League Baseball released a statement Tuesday admitting that nobody in its offices was quite sure why the organization agreed to allow all of Monday’s games to be themed "Teeny Tiny Boy Shorts Day." "With all the players, fans, and mascots wearing teeny tiny boy shorts, it’s clear the day was very well organized and thought out, but to be quite honest, nobody here has more than the vaguest of memories about agreeing to something like this," Commissioner Bud Selig said in the statement, clarifying that the league was not upset about seeing all its athletes and managers don teeny tiny boy shorts for an evening, but it was confused. "A few people in marketing believe Monday’s action may have originally been planned as a day to raise awareness for a cancer of some kind, and then this kernel of an idea somehow got a little out of hand and wound up with a lot of players unfortunately scraping up their thighs by sliding in those teeny tiny boy shorts." As of press time, MLB.com had updated its calendar to list July 14 as "Sparkly Shoes and Spunky Little Hat Day."

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