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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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MLB Unsure Why It Ever Agreed To Hold League-Wide 'Teeny Tiny Boy Shorts Day'

NEW YORK—Major League Baseball released a statement Tuesday admitting that nobody in its offices was quite sure why the organization agreed to allow all of Monday’s games to be themed "Teeny Tiny Boy Shorts Day." "With all the players, fans, and mascots wearing teeny tiny boy shorts, it’s clear the day was very well organized and thought out, but to be quite honest, nobody here has more than the vaguest of memories about agreeing to something like this," Commissioner Bud Selig said in the statement, clarifying that the league was not upset about seeing all its athletes and managers don teeny tiny boy shorts for an evening, but it was confused. "A few people in marketing believe Monday’s action may have originally been planned as a day to raise awareness for a cancer of some kind, and then this kernel of an idea somehow got a little out of hand and wound up with a lot of players unfortunately scraping up their thighs by sliding in those teeny tiny boy shorts." As of press time, MLB.com had updated its calendar to list July 14 as "Sparkly Shoes and Spunky Little Hat Day."

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