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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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MLB.com Executive Casually Reminds Harold Reynolds Not To Sexually Harass Anyone

CLEVELAND—MLB.com programming executive Martin Fried reminded recently hired baseball analyst Harold Reynolds in a matter-of-fact manner Monday that Reynolds should take care not to sexually harass anyone at any point before, during, or after his Game 3 coverage of the American League Championship Series. "Ah, Harold, just wanted to remind you to keep a close eye on how David Ortiz's knee is holding up, and that you probably shouldn't try to get that Grady Sizemore interview too close to game time or, say, sexually harass the new female production assistant. And, oh yeah, most important, remember to monitor Mike Timlin's pitch count—could be an interesting development," the e-mail to the former ESPN anchor read in part. "Basically, have fun, just be natural up there, and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Seriously, don't. Thanks." Reynolds was unavailable for comment, but according to his e-mail records, he has received similar reminders every day since he began working for MLB.com in July.

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