adBlockCheck

MLS Signs David Beckham To 12-Team, $250 Million Deal

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Surprises

  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

MLS Signs David Beckham To 12-Team, $250 Million Deal

LOS ANGELES—All 12 Major League Soccer teams pooled their money together last Friday in an effort to sign European superstar David Beckham to a five-year, $250 million deal—the richest and most all-inclusive contract in league history. "Mr. Beckham will be a wonderful addition to the Galaxy, the Dynamo, the Red Bulls, the Fire, the Crew, and many other teams," said MLS commissioner Don Garber, who is also in charge of arranging which teams get custody of Beckham during certain weeks, games, and halves throughout the season. "We're very confident that David will lead one of these teams to the championship." Beckham, who recently claimed that he's always wanted to play in Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Washington, Columbus, and Kansas City, will spend the next several months training, meeting with representatives, and being formally introduced at press conferences.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close