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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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MMA Fighter Unfortunately Discovers True Love For First Time On Morning Of Big Fight

TERRE HAUTE, IN—In an unfortunate instance of ill-timing, mixed martial artist Pat Schrode finally discovered the feeling of true, unrequited love Saturday morning just hours before his fight with Kyle Hendrix. "You ask if I’m ready? I feel ready for so many things—I'm ready to love and be loved, I'm ready to be a father, I'm ready to trust somebody so much it literally pains me to think about life without them," Schrode said in a pre-fight interview, pausing momentarily to grab the hands of several reporters and "take in the moment." "I'm not worried about winning or losing. Think of what we could accomplish if we weren't so worried about winning everything and instead focused on being—being together. That's the kind of champion I hope to become." Hendrix won Saturday's bout with a 27-second knockout, in the process breaking Schrode's orbital bone, collapsing his lung, and displacing a disk in the love-struck fighter's neck.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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