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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Moderators Give Marco Rubio 90 Seconds To Deliver Closing Statement Of Campaign

MIAMI—Allowing the candidate to leave viewers with a final impression before the broadcast concluded, CNN moderator Jake Tapper reportedly gave Marco Rubio 90 seconds to deliver his campaign’s closing statement at the end of Thursday night’s Republican debate. “We have reached the conclusion of our debate, and now, Senator Rubio, you will have 90 seconds to wrap up your campaign for president of the United States,” said Tapper, advising the Florida senator to be concise and direct with his final words of the election cycle. “This is your last chance to speak directly to the American people before exiting the national stage, so please utilize your time wisely. You may now begin.” Tapper went on to assure John Kasich that he would have the same chance after Rubio was finished.

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