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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Mohamed Sanu Very Disappointed To Discover Second Call From Bengals Not A Prank

CINCINNATI—New Bengals wide receiver Mohamed Sanu told reporters last week he had been "desperately relieved" to find out a phone call notifying him that Cincinnati had drafted him was a prank, but was later dejected when actual team representatives called to use a pick on him. "I have to admit, it was pretty funny when that kid told me the Bengals were drafting me in the first round, especially when I realized it was a joke," said Sanu, confirming the prankster "really had me going." "But the Bengals calling to say their disaster of a team actually was drafting me, just for a lot less money? What kind of sick human being does that?" Though acknowledging he cried when he first put on his Cincinnati jersey and realized he would be wasting away his youth playing for the Bengals, Sanu took solace in the fact that NFL careers are generally short and his dream of playing pro football would be over soon enough.

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