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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Mom Breaks Into Son’s Apartment At Night To Administer 2013 Flu Vaccine

EXETER, RI—After leaving multiple phone and email messages reminding her son Josh, 28, to schedule an appointment with his doctor for his seasonal flu shot, area mom Kathleen Warner broke into his apartment in the dead of night Sunday and administered the 2013 flu vaccine herself, sources reported. “I warned you,” the 58-year-old woman reportedly whispered to her son through a black ski mask as she flicked the tip of the needle, pumped the syringe two times, and jabbed it into his arm. “I told you to schedule an appointment with your primary care physician. I even sent you a list of local flu clinics in your area. But you wouldn’t listen. Now we’re doing things my way.” Sources confirmed that after administering the vaccine and exiting her son’s room, Warner quickly tidied up the bathroom before slipping out the back door.

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