Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Mom Brings Home Little Plaque That Says ‘Family’

GAITHERSBURG, MD—Describing how she hung the newly purchased decoration on the living room wall immediately upon returning, sources confirmed Tuesday that area mom Patricia Matheson had brought home a little wooden plaque that says “Family.” “She went out to the store to pick up some cereal and stuff, and then about an hour later she came back with that ‘Family’ sign,” said Matheson’s daughter, Erica, 17, adding that her mother had remarked “Isn’t that nice?” as she stood back to admire the piece of wood adorned in a large bold font that was now hanging by a length of twine next to the dining room entrance. “I don’t know what she was thinking. Do they even sell that kind of thing in the grocery store? Or maybe she went to another store nearby and picked it up? Either way, she seems to like it a lot.” Erica Matheson told reporters that the plaque was probably meant to complement the wooden block above the fireplace that simply reads “Home.”


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