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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Mom Can't Wait For Halloween Episode Of 'The Big Bang Theory'

GRAND JUNCTION, CO—Since Oct. 1, local mother of three Danielle Campbell has been beside herself in anticipation of the Halloween episode of the popular CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory, and has so far spent the month leading up to Halloween speculating about the plotline and romantic twist the episode might contain. "I wonder if Sheldon will dress as another science concept, like lasers," the 42-year-old woman who hasn't gone out for Halloween herself in two decades said with a giggle. "I hope they don't all dress up like the Flash again! But it was on that very same episode when Leonard and Penny kissed for the first time. Bazinga!" Campbell then scanned through her Big Bang Theory DVDs to comb them for information about possible candy allergies that might play a part in the episode.

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