Mom Just Called To Make Sure You're Not Under That Dangling Crane

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Details Of Obama’s Climate Change Plan

President Obama unveiled Monday a plan to increase the country’s clean power usage that many are calling the strongest action ever taken by a U.S. president to combat the effects of climate change. Here are some key details of Obama’s climate change plan
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

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Mom Just Called To Make Sure You're Not Under That Dangling Crane

BOISE, ID—Calling to check on him for the fourth consecutive morning amid reports of the dangers posed by Hurricane Sandy, local mom Mary Canfield expressed relief Tuesday after learning her son in New York wasn’t underneath that crane that’s dangling from a high-rise apartment building in Manhattan. “Oh, thank God—the thought of you standing under that big, dangling crane was just awful,” said the concerned mother, explaining that as soon as she saw TV footage of the crane on 57th Street in Midtown, she had a “horrible vision” of her son, a 27-year-old Brooklyn resident, trapped beneath the twisted wreckage of the crane as floodwaters rose around him. “They’re saying it’s 1,000 feet up in the air and just flapping around waiting to fall. Honey, promise you won’t go near that crane, okay?” Canfield added that in case of an emergency, her son should feel free to call her friend Debbie up in Utica.