adBlockCheck

Mom Leaks Out Another Divorce Detail During Drive To SAT Prep Class

Top Headlines

After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.

The Pros And Cons Of Co-Sleeping

The act of co-sleeping, where babies and toddlers share a “family bed” with their parents, is a rising trend in the United States, though the practice is contested by those who doubt its purported benefits. Here are the pros and cons of co-sleeping with your child

The Onion’s Guide To Trick-Or-Treating

Halloween gives revelers a chance to receive candy all over the neighborhood. Here are some tips to make sure you get the most out of your experience and take home a big haul.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Mom Leaks Out Another Divorce Detail During Drive To SAT Prep Class

EDMONDS, WA—While driving her 15-year-old son Jonathan to his SAT prep class last evening, area mom Donna Callins leaked another detail of her divorce from the teenager’s father earlier this year, sources reported. “You know by this time last fall, he had already picked out a condo in the Southwest—I suppose you weren’t aware of that,” the 48-year-old mother said in what reports confirmed was merely the latest in a series of increasingly forthcoming disclosures to her son on the subject of her failed marriage, quickly adding that she “shouldn’t be talking about this with [him]” before expounding further on the topic. “At that point, I’m not sure if you know this, but we hadn’t been speaking for three months, except about you kids. Your father is a very difficult man. Anyway, have a good time! Text me when it’s over.” Sources later reported that Jonathan Callins sat quietly for the entire duration of the car ride.

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close