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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Mom Leaves Sweet Little Note For Sixth-Grader In ADD Prescription Bottle

TACOMA, WA—In an effort to express her affection and brighten her son’s day, local mother Julia Parker, 43, reportedly tucked a loving, handwritten note into her 11-year-old son Connor Parker’s bottle of Concerta medication Monday morning. “Hi, Connor! Hope you’re having a great day!” read the cheerful note that was carefully placed into the sixth-grader’s container of prescription psychostimulants and was intended to be read between third and fourth period, when he regularly takes his 36mg dose. “Love you tons! Mom.” At press time, Connor had reportedly traded his prescription medicine for a friend’s Adderall.

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