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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Mom Packs Encouraging Note In Own Lunch

GREENSBURG, IN—In an effort to brighten her afternoon and get herself through the tough first day of another week, area mother and account manager Anna Claremont, 43, reportedly tucked an affectionate, handwritten note into her own lunch bag Monday morning. “Hope you’re having a relaxing day so far,” read the loving note, which sources confirmed was nestled next to an apple, a small container of hummus, a bag of baby carrots, and several squares of dark chocolate she included as a “special little treat just for you.” “Good luck on your presentation—Just be yourself and I just know you’ll do great!” Reports also confirmed that Claremont got a kick out of the reverse side of the note, which contained her own amusing drawing of her cat.

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