After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Mom Reports That Hometown Actually Has A Lot Going On Now

LYNCHBURG, VA—Noting the addition of some nice new shops and restaurants downtown, local mom Erica Dodson, 52, confirmed during a phone call with her daughter Ashlee today that their hometown actually has a lot going on now. “There’s a funky little place that sells fancy olive oil and vinegar, and a wood oven pizzeria where Casey’s used to be,” said Dodson, who reportedly revealed to her 25-year-old daughter how she read in the paper that Riverside Park would feature free concerts every Thursday during the summer. “You’d be surprised. The farmers market has gotten really big, too, and Mamma Mia! is coming to the performing arts center.” Dodson then reportedly finished the conversation by suggesting that her daughter come home when she has some time and check out the new art gallery in town that has hand-blown glass.

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