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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Mom Sits Down For Dinner 3 Months After Rest Of Family Finishes Meal

NOVI, MI—Having insisted that her husband and three kids start without her, local mother Cheryl Lenox sat down for dinner three months after the rest of her family finished their meal, sources confirmed Monday. “Mmm, this smells good,” Lenox reportedly said out loud to an empty kitchen table as she finally sat down with a plate of roast pork and vegetables she had prepared for her family back on December 19 of last year. “Oh, I might need to heat this up for a few minutes.” Sources confirmed that Lenox was able to eat four bites of the meal before she was summoned to get up and pack lunches for her family.

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