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Mom Sits Down For Dinner 3 Months After Rest Of Family Finishes Meal

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Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home

SAN DIEGO—Having already pointed out when everyone back home was getting off work and when the local nightly news was starting, area mother Pam Westin spent much of the first day of her family’s week-long California vacation marveling at the time difference compared to where they lived, sources confirmed Tuesday.

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Emergency Crew Rushes To Pull Child Out Of Football Huddle

CHESAPEAKE, VA—Saying they immediately feared the worst when they saw the child in such a treacherous, life-threatening situation, onlookers confirmed that an emergency crew rushed onto a local sports field Wednesday afternoon and moved quickly to pull a young boy out of a football huddle.

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WARREN, MI—Stipulating that the regulation would take effect immediately, Summit Industries office manager Angela Werner reportedly unveiled a new rule Tuesday in a company-wide email.

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.
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Mom Sits Down For Dinner 3 Months After Rest Of Family Finishes Meal

NOVI, MI—Having insisted that her husband and three kids start without her, local mother Cheryl Lenox sat down for dinner three months after the rest of her family finished their meal, sources confirmed Monday. “Mmm, this smells good,” Lenox reportedly said out loud to an empty kitchen table as she finally sat down with a plate of roast pork and vegetables she had prepared for her family back on December 19 of last year. “Oh, I might need to heat this up for a few minutes.” Sources confirmed that Lenox was able to eat four bites of the meal before she was summoned to get up and pack lunches for her family.

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