Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean

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Vol 49 Issue 32

Carl Tresvant

Since he didn’t know anything about the topic being discussed, Carl Tresvant kept his goddamn trap shut.

Obama Taking 8-Day Martha’s Vineyard Vacation

The Obama family will leave Saturday for an 8-day vacation on the quiet, affluent island of Martha’s Vineyard, where they have visited three of the past four summers, and are expected to spend the week golfing, shopping, and relaxing.

Doctors Finally Clear Peyton Manning To Play Football

DENVER—Two years after performing his 2011 spinal fusion surgery, doctors announced this week that Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has been officially cleared to return to the field and take part in football activities.
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Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean

NAGS HEAD, NC—Continuously doing laundry, cooking, or vacuuming in her family’s rented beach cottage this week, area mom Catherine Yardley has spent a much-needed vacation performing all her usual household chores while in closer proximity to the ocean, sources confirmed. “Isn’t it nice to just get away for a while and relax by the water?” Yardley said as she wiped down the kitchen counter and then took out the garbage, tasks she would normally perform at a distance of 200 miles from the beach instead of 50 feet. “I just love that I can be scrubbing the bathroom, look out the window, and see the tide coming in. We should do this every year!” At press time, Yardley was reportedly busy preparing a meal identical to what she would have made back home, except that she planned to serve it on paper plates.

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