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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Mom Starting To Fear Son’s Web Series Closest Thing She Will Have To Grandchild

WHITE PLAINS, NY—With still no indication that her 30-year-old son Bryan has any interest in entering a romantic relationship or starting a family, area mother Kathleen Williamson told reporters this week that she is starting to fear his web series is the closest thing she will ever have to a grandchild. “At this point, he’s made about 40 episodes and doesn’t do much else, so unless something changes, I think this is all I’m going to get,” the 62-year-old said while browsing the website for Two Weeks Notice, a comedy web series about a group of perpetually unemployed roommates in Brooklyn that her only child has written, directed, and starred in for the past five years. “I suppose there’s a chance he could meet someone and lose interest in making more of these, but this may very well be the only source of pride I get in my old age. It’s nice that I can watch Bryan’s show whenever I want, though.” At press time, sources confirmed that Williamson had visited the series’ fan page on Facebook and written “My son is hysterical!!” in the latest episode’s comments section.

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