Mom Starting To Fear Son’s Web Series Closest Thing She Will Have To Grandchild

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Vol 50 Issue 28

Snowden: NSA Agents Pass Around Nude Photos

In an interview with The Guardian, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden revealed that some U.S. intelligence agents routinely pass around nude photos and other “sexually compromised” images they discover while spying on targets.

Mom $15,000 In The Hole With Ceramic Frog Dealer

Everyone in the Middle East is given their own country in a 317,000,000-state solution, NASA announces plans to launch a chimpanzee into the sun, and a local mom is $15,000 in the hole with her ceramic frog dealer.

Marriage Going To Be Hard To Go Back To On Monday

EAST HARTFORD, CT—Thinking wearily of the moment when he would have to return to the daily grind, local man Dan Zageris is already dreading going back to his marriage Monday, sources confirmed this weekend.

KKK Recruiting Kids By Handing Out Candy

According to residents of a South Carolina town, the Ku Klux Klan has been attempting to recruit children into its ranks by going to neighborhoods and leaving out bags of candy containing slips of paper with the words “Save Our Land, Join The Klan...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Mom Starting To Fear Son’s Web Series Closest Thing She Will Have To Grandchild

WHITE PLAINS, NY—With still no indication that her 30-year-old son Bryan has any interest in entering a romantic relationship or starting a family, area mother Kathleen Williamson told reporters this week that she is starting to fear his web series is the closest thing she will ever have to a grandchild. “At this point, he’s made about 40 episodes and doesn’t do much else, so unless something changes, I think this is all I’m going to get,” the 62-year-old said while browsing the website for Two Weeks Notice, a comedy web series about a group of perpetually unemployed roommates in Brooklyn that her only child has written, directed, and starred in for the past five years. “I suppose there’s a chance he could meet someone and lose interest in making more of these, but this may very well be the only source of pride I get in my old age. It’s nice that I can watch Bryan’s show whenever I want, though.” At press time, sources confirmed that Williamson had visited the series’ fan page on Facebook and written “My son is hysterical!!” in the latest episode’s comments section.

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