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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Mom Wants To Know If You’ll Be Free If She Visits 14 Months From Now

JANESVILLE, WI—Expressing her excitement to be shown around where you live and work, your mother reportedly called you Thursday to see if you would be free if she came to visit 14 months from now. “Would the weekend of May 19 work for you?” said your mom of a three-day period in late spring 2017, adding that she needed to know if you had any conflicts on the dates 60 weeks in the future before she booked her ticket. “If you’re busy those days, I’m happy to visit later on—maybe the first week of next June? Whatever works best for you.” Your mother then reportedly informed you that she or your father would be able to pick you up from the airport on Wednesday, November 23 if you come home for Thanksgiving this year.

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