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Moments Leading Up To Romney's Concession Most Likely Hilarious

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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

Obama Caught Trying To Jump White House Fence

WASHINGTON—The White House was briefly placed on lockdown Friday morning after “an addled and emotionally distraught” President Obama was reportedly caught trying to scale the North Lawn fence, the third such attempt this year, Secret Service officials confirmed.
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Moments Leading Up To Romney's Concession Most Likely Hilarious

BOSTON—Sources are confirming that the moments leading up to Mitt Romney’s concession speech last night—from the expression on his face the second he realized he was going to lose, to the brief sigh he probably let out before walking onstage—were all more than likely pretty hilarious. “I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but it’s kind of funny to imagine a 65-year-old man watching television, desperately hoping for something to go his way, learning it’s not going to happen, and then just sitting there face forward while the rest of the room goes silent around him,” Ohio resident Bret Foss told reporters, adding that the thought of a campaign aide putting his hand on Romney’s shoulder and solemnly telling the former governor that it was all over just makes him laugh for some reason. “Maybe it’s because the stakes were so high, but something about Mitt Romney hurriedly cobbling together a concession speech with one of his writers and then standing backstage all by himself as he waits for his cue to go on really cracks me up.” Foss added that while it may make him sick in the head, he chuckles every time he thinks about the intense private moment Romney and his wife probably shared before he officially called the president to concede.

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