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Veteran Told What Offends Him

WASHINGTON—In the wake of protests in which some players knelt during the national anthem prior to this week’s NFL games, a U.S. Army veteran has been informed that the acts offended him.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Mommy Having Sleepover

GALESBURG, IL—Five days after Daddy's disappearance, Mommy hosted "Uncle" Rick at a sleepover, 5-year-old Hannah Dalton reported Monday. "They drank a lot of that special soda for grownups, and they watched movies," Hannah said. "And later, they must have told ghost stories, because I heard them both moaning and screaming." The morning after the sleepover, a departing Rick permitted Hannah to eat as much Count Chocula as she wanted, as long as she did not wake Mommy.

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