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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Monsanto Develops Hardier Strain Of Corn That Yields 4 Times Normal Litigation

ST. LOUIS—Agricultural biotech giant Monsanto unveiled its latest strain of genetically modified corn Wednesday, claiming that the new, hardier seed yields 400 percent more litigation against small independent farms than the company’s previous GMO products. “We are excited to introduce our newest variety of corn, which is capable of producing up to 1,000 patent infringement cases per growing season,” said Monsanto spokesman Richard Gringell, explaining that this proprietary strain of the large cereal grain had been carefully engineered to withstand even the harshest countersuits. “Moreover, our new variety can cross-pollinate with nearby farmers’ crops three times faster, generating new targets for legal action much more efficiently than before. In fact, just one acre of our new corn is able to bankrupt as many family farmers as 10 acres of our previous formula. It’s a huge leap forward for our company.” Gringell added that the particularly robust and litigious variety of corn only requires three lawyers to prosecute, saving on average $1,500 per hour the company can then allocate toward developing new pesticides whose resulting birth defects can’t be traced.

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