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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Mood In Gotham City Rogues Training Camp Upbeat

GOTHAM CITY—At a press conference following Monday's practice, newly appointed Rogues head coach Adam Kewell said the team was feeling cheerfully optimistic about the upcoming season despite the constant reminder of the devastating terrorist attacks that killed thousands in the city last winter. "Obviously football had to take a backseat for a while there, and our thoughts are with all the victims and their families," said Kewell, referring to the bombings that destroyed much of the city's infrastructure and obliterated the field at Gotham Stadium, forcing the Rogues to play home games at Gotham Tech Stadium. "We only have one player left on the roster from last season, but everyone in this organization knows how important football is to the Gotham community, especially this year. If we can help the healing process by winning some football games, then that's exactly what we're going to do." Rogues officials later unveiled the team's new jerseys, which feature 89 black patches commemorating the Gotham City players and coaches who lost their lives during the tragic attacks.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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