Moon Finally Hatches

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Vol 50 Issue 27

Mick Jagger Blamed For Brazil’s Historic World Cup Defeat

Some Brazilians are blaming Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger for their nation’s humiliating 7-1 loss to Germany in the World Cup semifinals Tuesday, suggesting he regularly jinxes teams he cheers for and that the yellow and green jersey he wor...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Holiday

Moon Finally Hatches

WASHINGTON—Several weeks after discovering unusual fissures on the lunar surface, astronomers confirmed today that the fracturing of the moon had begun to rapidly accelerate. “Cracks in the lunar mantle between craters Tycho and Stevinus have spread and deepened considerably since first detection,” said NASA researcher Marc Robinson, adding that a viscous liquid substance had been observed seeping out from the moon’s core. “It appears as if something is almost purposefully tearing through the layers of rock from the inside.” At press time, the hatchling had sunk its talons into the Earth and flown off.

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