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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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More On Bosh, Wade And LeBron's New Rules For Basketball

The Dome brought you the first look at the new rules for basketball, designed by Heat superstars Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade and LeBron James who were reportedly "sick of playing basketball the stupid way." But while they've gotten a lot of buzz for replacing shot clocks with strobe lights, putting lions in luxury boxes and making every team eat a whole pizza at halftime, the new rules go further than that.

The Onion Sports Network obtained the original proposal sent to the NBA and immediately ratified by commissioner David Stern who still has not bothered to read them. Check out more of the new rules, written by Bosh, Wade and James, and illustrated by Bosh.

Bosh came up with Rule 8, which allows for the use of ziplines players can ride right to the basket, after learning that rocket shoes were not feasible.

For the handful of teams that weren't disbanded because they sucked or had a stupid logo Lebron didn't like, their best chance of making the postseason is to find the buried treasure chest on Slam Dunk Island that's worth 20 wins and an automatic playoff bid.

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