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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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More Than $30 Worth Of Burned CDs Stolen From Residence

ALBUQUERQUE—Police are still not investigating a burglary at the Watson Avenue apartment of George Kinney, who reported the theft of more than 300 CDRs, with an estimated value of $32. "It looks like the bastard dropped down onto my back balcony from the neighbor's roof," Kinney said Monday. "Goddammit. I spent hours burning all those CDs." Kinney was the victim of a similar crime in June 2001, when someone broke into his YMCA locker and stole his Diet Pepsi Twist promotional duffel bag, which contained a copy of USA Today.

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