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ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

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Mormon Teen Loses Inhibitions After Third Benadryl

WEST JORDAN, UT–The pious calm of this peaceful Mormon enclave on the Great Salt Lake was shattered Monday, when, in what local church authorities are calling an "extremely disturbing" incident, 16-year-old Enoch Zachariah Young had his inhibitions severely lowered by the ingestion of three Benadryl®-brand allergy-relief tablets.

The allergy medication that caused a sinful reaction in Mormon youth Enoch Zachariah Young (inset).

"You hear about things like this happening in non-LDS communities, but I never thought it could happen to one of God's true elect, to one of our own," Ruth Mary Young, the boy's mother, told reporters from the Mormon News Network cable channel. "The poor boy's allergies act up so bad during these hot desert summers here in the Chosen Land, and I guess he let temptation get the better of him."

"May Jesus Christ, and his prophet on Earth, Joseph Smith, have mercy on his immortal soul," added Young before collapsing in tears.

At approximately 8 a.m., while refilling the pamphlet rack at a local grocery store before school, Young said he began to experience a runny nose, itchy throat, and severe headache. Fearing the symptoms would cause him to miss that afternoon's tryouts for the school play, The Reign And Ministry Of Nephi, he purchased a box of Benadryl® and took the recommended two tablets.

Several hours later, shortly before English class at West Jordan High School, Young succumbed to temptation and took yet another Benadryl®. For the next four hours, the youth exhibited signs of severely lowered inhibitions, sparking "rampant chaos and terror" among his fellow Saints at the all-Mormon public school.

"A few of the children began to notice that something was seriously wrong with Enoch around noon," said math teacher Elder Ezra Fielding Widstoe. "Apparently, he told a female classmate that he liked her dress. Then he asked if anyone had any gum."

An hour later, on the way to the pencil sharpener, Young performed what students described as "a little dance." It is assumed that Young's intent was to amuse his classmates, who were quietly working at their desks at the time.

Young's outrageous behavior escalated over the next several hours. Witnesses reported that, while crossing the street from school to the temple to attend afternoon religious classes, Young removed his sweater vest. As his final manic act before classmates alerted officials, Young held up a prayer book featuring a picture of Joseph Smith, founding prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and referred to him "Good Ol' Joe."

"Impropriety such as this among the covenant people of the Lord!" exclaimed classmate John W. Pritchett, who witnessed the wild behavior firsthand. "This is hardly the sort of conduct that is appropriate for an heir to the ancient covenant between God and Abraham."

According to Mormon officials, The Word Of Wisdom, the prophetic Latter-Day Saints health code given by revelation in 1833, prohibits the use of tobacco, strong drink, tea, and coffee. While the use of Benadryl® is not specifically discussed in the gospel, church elders believe that the drug is prohibited due to its dangerous mood-altering side effects, including nervousness, excitability, and drowsiness.

Upon learning of their son's antics, Young's parents rushed to school to participate in an intervention attended by the school principal, his guidance counselor, and a group of five church leaders.

As Young lay on a cot, his sisters and brethren prayed in a circle around him. He then further shocked the assemblage by stating, "I've always found the The Book Of Helaman kind of boring," before falling into a deep sleep.

Young is currently recovering at the home of his family's patriarch, 91-year-old great-grandfather Joachim Jeremias Young. Further information about his condition is not available, as Joachim Jeremias declined to speak to "the secular press."

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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

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