CARBONDALE, PA—According to area bargain hunters, the majority of the dusty, cobweb-covered items at local resident Kelly Moore's garage sale Sunday appeared to possess supernatural qualities.
"When I picked up that Ronco juicer, I felt a strange, ominous presence," said neighbor Lucinda O'Brien, who admitted that she could not pass up a deal on a Herb Alpert LP despite its having a "spooky aura" about it. "Mark my words, some very dark things went on involving most of this bric-a-brac. That green vase seems okay, but it has a crack in it."
Moore said she's had relatively few complaints from her customers, though browser David Firth, 52, was reportedly torn limb from limb and had his heart devoured by Demogorgon, a demon from the seventh level of hell that had taken up residence inside a shoe tree.