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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Most Items At Garage Sale Haunted

CARBONDALE, PA—According to area bargain hunters, the majority of the dusty, cobweb-covered items at local resident Kelly Moore's garage sale Sunday appeared to possess supernatural qualities.

"When I picked up that Ronco juicer, I felt a strange, ominous presence," said neighbor Lucinda O'Brien, who admitted that she could not pass up a deal on a Herb Alpert LP despite its having a "spooky aura" about it. "Mark my words, some very dark things went on involving most of this bric-a-brac. That green vase seems okay, but it has a crack in it."

Moore said she's had relatively few complaints from her customers, though browser David Firth, 52, was reportedly torn limb from limb and had his heart devoured by Demogorgon, a demon from the seventh level of hell that had taken up residence inside a shoe tree.

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