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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Most Thrilling Playoffs In Recent Memory Unfortunately Happen In Hockey

PHILADELPHIA—The most riveting, nail-biting, and story-laden playoff series in the past several years of professional sports had the misfortune of reaching its amazing overtime finish in the sport of hockey Wednesday night, as the Blackhawks defeated the Flyers to win the NHL's championship series 4-2. "To see a team that was 14th out of 15 teams in its conference a few months ago not only make the playoffs, but advance to the final by coming back from three games down, was really a shame," said ESPN's Bill Simmons, who spent the evening preparing for Thursday's Lakers-Celtics game and did not watch the hockey finals. "And when the barnstorming Chicago team hoisted that trophy, ending its championship drought with an overtime win on the road, I felt sick to my stomach that it wasn't the Cubs and the World Series trophy." The NHL playoffs also saw Montreal goalie Jaroslav Halak stop 131 of 134 scoring attempts over three games in a superhuman defensive effort that was tragically not put forth by the Baltimore Ravens.

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