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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Most Thrilling Playoffs In Recent Memory Unfortunately Happen In Hockey

PHILADELPHIA—The most riveting, nail-biting, and story-laden playoff series in the past several years of professional sports had the misfortune of reaching its amazing overtime finish in the sport of hockey Wednesday night, as the Blackhawks defeated the Flyers to win the NHL's championship series 4-2. "To see a team that was 14th out of 15 teams in its conference a few months ago not only make the playoffs, but advance to the final by coming back from three games down, was really a shame," said ESPN's Bill Simmons, who spent the evening preparing for Thursday's Lakers-Celtics game and did not watch the hockey finals. "And when the barnstorming Chicago team hoisted that trophy, ending its championship drought with an overtime win on the road, I felt sick to my stomach that it wasn't the Cubs and the World Series trophy." The NHL playoffs also saw Montreal goalie Jaroslav Halak stop 131 of 134 scoring attempts over three games in a superhuman defensive effort that was tragically not put forth by the Baltimore Ravens.

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