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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Mother, Daughter Exchange Encoded Menstruation-Related Message Over Dinner Table

SCRANTON, PA–Jodi Eckhardt, 15, and her mother Colleen covertly communicated a top-secret menses-related message across the dinner table Monday, averting the suspicion of the three male Eckhardts seated at the table. "What's wrong, Jodi?" asked Colleen, noticing her daughter's uneaten chimichanga casserole. "Does your stomach hurt this week?" "Yeah," Jodi replied sullenly. "And we're in our swimming unit in gym, too." Colleen excused her daughter from the table and, getting her purse from the counter, produced a bottle of pills, stealthily shielding the label from Marc, 14, and David, 11.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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