adBlockCheck

Mother Ferries 4 More Shirt Options Back To Son In Gap Dressing Room

Top Headlines

After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Mother Ferries 4 More Shirt Options Back To Son In Gap Dressing Room

COLONIE, NY—Ensuring that her latest selections included a variety of sizes and styles, local mother Melissa Garlington ferried four more shirt options back to her 14-year-old son waiting in a local Gap dressing room this weekend, sources confirmed. “I got a medium and a large of each one because I wasn’t sure which you’d be,” said Garlington, who then reportedly stood outside the stall as her son periodically cracked the door open to pass back the options he did not want. “I also got you a navy polo, but then I thought you’d look handsome in this nice green one, so try them both on. What about the shorts I brought back earlier—did they feel too tight around the waist? Make sure to sit down in them too.” After confirming which options her son wanted to buy, Garlington then reportedly instructed him to change back into his old clothes while she headed over to the register to get them a spot in line.

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close