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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Mother Knows Perfect Picture To Publicize If Daughter Ever Abducted

GLENCOE, IL—Concerned mother Eva Germaine, 42, has already picked out the perfect picture to release to the media should her daughter Brittney, 16, ever be abducted by a maniac, sources close to the family reported Monday. "I went back and forth on it for a while, but now I'm convinced this one with her holding the soccer ball and smiling would be just right—it has this overall wholesomeness to it that's working really well," said Germaine, stressing how important it would be publicize a "friendly, likable" image of her daughter in the event of a missing-and-possibly-raped scenario. "I'll just tuck this away for when the time comes." Sources confirmed Germaine was planning to run the picture by her daughter first before finalizing the selection.

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