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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Mother's Little Angel Just Made Fun Of Classmate's Weight For 30 Straight Minutes

SMYRNA, GA—Eleven-year-old Dan Weisz, reportedly his mother's precious sweetheart, viciously ridiculed an overweight classmate for 30 minutes straight this morning on the Middlebury Elementary School playground. "You couldn't ask for a more loving, well-behaved boy," Donna Weisz said of the son who is the apple of her eye and whose tireless mockery of another boy’s body type during recess continued with such ruthless intensity that it appeared to be unimpeded by anything even approximating a human conscience. "Every day with him is such a special gift. His father and I feel truly blessed." By press time, mother's little angel had systematically broken down any remaining sense of self-worth his overweight classmate may have previously possessed.

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