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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Mothers Of NFL Players Concerned About Binge Drinking At Bottom Of Pile

CHICAGO—A coalition of concerned NFL mothers held a press conference Friday, expressing their fears about the growing risk of binge drinking that occurs beneath the pile of players attempting to gain control of the loose ball. “There gets to be so many of our boys in there you can’t even see what’s going on at the bottom, but believe me, we’ve all heard stories,” said Karen Reed, mother of Baltimore Ravens safety Ed Reed. “I just hate the fact that I know my son is down there all the time where I can’t look out for him. I worry about other players taking advantage of him down there, maybe pressuring him to drink or smoke where they think they can get away with it.” Several of the mothers also reported that after their sons exited the piles they often appeared woozy, delirious, or glazed—in some cases even vomiting at night—evidence the women cited as definitive proof that their offspring were drunk.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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