adBlockCheck

Local

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Motivational Tape Gets Man Excited For 20 Minutes

SALINA, KS— The motivational cassette "Start That Motor!" got laid-off sales rep Bruce Smales, 39, excited about his life's possibilities for 20 minutes Monday. "The guy on the tape talked about all kinds of things, like 'making your luck' and stuff," Smales said. "It sounded great, and I went right off to make my 'Life List.'" Upon finding his pen out of ink, Smales retired to the couch, where he watched a Hunter marathon on TBS

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close