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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Motivational Tape Gets Man Excited For 20 Minutes

SALINA, KS— The motivational cassette "Start That Motor!" got laid-off sales rep Bruce Smales, 39, excited about his life's possibilities for 20 minutes Monday. "The guy on the tape talked about all kinds of things, like 'making your luck' and stuff," Smales said. "It sounded great, and I went right off to make my 'Life List.'" Upon finding his pen out of ink, Smales retired to the couch, where he watched a Hunter marathon on TBS

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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