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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Mötley Crüe Signs Sexual-Harassment Guarantee

LOS ANGELES—Mötley Crüe accomplished a music-industry first Tuesday, when band members signed an iron-clad sexual-harassment guarantee for their 2005 "Red, White, And Crüe" tour. "What a fucking awesome crowning achievement for these veteran rockers," manager Allen Kovac said. "Mötley Crüe is now contractually obligated to fondle, pinch, and comment lewdly on everyone they encounter during their six-month, 12-nation gig. Even at their height, KISS's managers could only get the band to sign a guarantee extending to female groupies." The agreement stipulates that opportunities for damage to property shall not be reasonably withheld.
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