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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted. “I’ve always felt a little bit different from the rest of my family, but lately I’ve really started to wonder if I’m actually my parents’ biological child at all,” said Kyle Met, who noted that, in addition to being the only member of his family with blonde hair, he does not share his parents’ bulbous eyes, leathery white skin, and perfectly spherical head. “My brother is a dead ringer for my dad—they both have the same thick, jet-black eyebrows—but I’m sort of a mystery. I asked to see my baby pictures once, and my mom said they’d been lost in a flood. I’d still love them because they’re the ones who raised me, but it would be really nice to know if they’re my real parents.” Met added that his parents have repeatedly assured him he simply inherited the recessive genes of his maternal grandfather.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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