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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Mumford And Sons Take Home Coveted 'Vest Of The Year' Grammy

LOS ANGELES—After weeks of speculation within the music industry, English folk-rock group Mumford and Sons took home the big prize at Sunday’s 55th Annual Grammy Awards by winning the highly coveted Vest of the Year trophy. “Wow, I don’t even know where to begin,” said lead singer Marcus Mumford, after his slim-cut russet waistcoat secured the band its third win on a night in which the quartet also collected statuettes for Watch Chain of the Year and Best New Straw Hat. “We never could have imagined it. I mean, just to have our vest nominated alongside all these other amazing vests—it’s really a dream come true.” Following Mumford and Sons’ victory in the vest category, the band narrowly missed sweeping the Grammys’ four major apparel awards after losing out to indie pop trio fun. for its upbeat, critically acclaimed suspenders.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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