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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Museum Of Television And Radio Acquires Rare 'Caroline In The City' Episode

NEW YORK— The Museum of Television and Radio added a significant piece to its Precious Gems collection Tuesday upon acquiring a prized Caroline In The City episode dating back as early as 1995. "This masterpiece, once thought to be lost to the ages, is one of the most highly sought after in the series and is truly emblematic of the Must-See TV movement," museum curator Gerald Sampson said of the rare 20th-century episode entitled "Caroline Can't Think," which runs 22 minutes. "This is the first work to integrate the elements of Caroline's writing block, her friends' efforts to cheer her up, and her constant need to find a husband." The VHS copy, which has not been restored and still contains its original commercial breaks, was purchased from 43-year-old Ohio resident Doris Reynolds for $20 million.

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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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