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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Museum Proudly Exhibits Picasso Shitty Enough To Be In Kansas City

KANSAS CITY, MO—At a gala exhibit-opening Friday that drew many of the area’s most notable cultural luminaries, the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art unveiled a newly acquired Pablo Picasso pencil sketch that is just shitty enough to be showcased in Kansas City. “We are delighted to add to our collection this fascinating work by the 20th-century master who defined cubism and produced some of the most important art of the modern era,” curator Bradley Simmons said of the forgettable piece-of-shit doodle that has not only been allotted an entire wall, but will, fittingly, be considered among the city’s crown jewels. “No one who visits our museum and sees this piece can doubt that it is truly one of the finest cultural treasures in the region.” Art experts agreed with Simmons that the sketch would probably impress the people of Kansas City.

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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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