adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
End Of Section
  • More News

Music Playing In Bar Could Stand To Be Louder, Worse

WORTHINGTON, MA—While struggling to be heard over the deafening roar of nu-metal and late-’90s rap-rock, patrons announced Wednesday night that the music at Liston’s Bar and Grill could probably stand to be just a bit louder and a touch worse. “Don’t get me wrong, the music here is being blasted at a very high volume and is also really, really awful, but as bad as it is, it’s still possible they could dig a little deeper into the catalog of Papa Roach or Staind and find something more terrible,” 34-year-old bargoer Kyle McCutcheon shouted as he plugged one ear and cocked the other forward while conversing with reporters. “And even though it’s playing very loud, they could probably turn it up even more, preferably until we’re all forced to just sit around and stare at each other waiting for the few brief seconds between songs when we can actually exchange a few audible words.” When asked if there was anything else about the bar he would change, McCutcheon said that, if he was being honest, the bartender could be a tad more of a world-class dick.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close