adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

My Band Deadly Chemistry Makes Its Dome Debut

Folks, if you were one of the millions of Deadly Chemists that loved that sick backing track to those snowboarding highlights, then you are not alone. I have already gotten six text messages and eight e-mails (five of them not spam) since those hot synth licks tickle-smashed your e-drums. It is the new hotness and I'm expecting the OSN director of programming to reverse his "one-time only" edict any minute now.

Until you have the chance to be re-assaulted by D-Chem on a future Dome, d-l some of the aud here (that means download some of our hot new audio). This sweet stuff is called "Harmony of Sickness".

Almost regret sharing that stuff with you, very personal track for me. A lot of people ask what the red meat is. I'm reluctant to say… but it's my soul.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close