My Behavior Tuesday Night Has Forced Me To Confront The Fact That I Have A Problem With Energy Drinks

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Vol 47 Issue 07

Trail Blazers Down To One Working Knee

PORTLAND, OR—According to sources close to the injury-plagued Portland Trail Blazers, after a series of knee injuries to center Marcus Camby and All-Star guard Brandon Roy, the team is now officially down to one good knee.

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LOS ANGELES—Saying he understands how excited everyone can get during an All-Star game, Spurs center Tim Duncan made it clear Saturday that since the game is held inside the Staples Center, he expects members of both teams to put their outside voice...

Area Dad Just Wants Computer With The Basics

EDISON, NJ—Wary of paying too much for a new computer loaded with unnecessary bells and whistles, area dad Paul Moyers, 52, announced Friday that he just wants a regular, no-frills PC with only the basics.

Military Releases Drone's Suicide Note

In a shocking turn of events, embattled military drone plane TR425 destroyed itself. Military officials released the following suicide note written by the airplane.

Healthy Living Tips For Shawnas

Having a healthy lifestyle isn't just about staying out of the sun (or out of a tanning bed). Here are some simple tips to help Shawnas participate in a healthier life.
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MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

My Behavior Tuesday Night Has Forced Me To Confront The Fact That I Have A Problem With Energy Drinks

All of us who have the privilege of working in the Dome deal with the stress in different ways, some more destructive than others -- exercise, drugs, fast cars. Alex collects dirty playing cards and Wellsy locks herself in her dressing room and refuses to answer the door for me, even when I just want to chat and I bring her food from the cafeteria.

The high-pressure atmosphere at OSN can sometimes lead us into making mistakes. I'll be honest, on Monday night, I stayed up late playing Civ V, and was so focused on holding off Montezuma's Aztec hordes so I could finish building the Hagia Sophia (I only go for Cultural Victories) that I didn't notice 18 hours had passed. The absolute last thing I wanted was for my grogginess to impede your Dome, so once I got on set, I looked for an easy answer and fell into the cold, carbonated arms of Bull's Milk Energy Drink.

I would be lying if I said this was my first dance with the Bull's horns. When Deadly Chemistry landed a prime 4:30 AM time slot at the Greater Providence Music Festival, I chugged a Bull's Milk or two to keep my energy up and impress the handful of fans who were there to rock all night long -- even the ones who left early when our rhythm synth player's backup laptop started making horrible screeching noises. But even though it made me cranky and I chewed out the sound guy even when it wasn't his fault, I fooled myself into thinking the Bull's Milk wasn't to blame. Tuesday night, I lost sight of who I was and became merely an extension of those slender aluminum cans and the lukewarm neon blue liquid inside. In short, there is no longer any hiding from the fact that I have a problem with Bull's Milk.

It has been a long, hard recovery so far, and it will likely only become more difficult in the weeks and months to come. This is the second and hopefully last time I ever have to get my stomach pumped, after the time I actually drank the kerosene out of a lamp when I was seven. Sitting in my hospital bed, reviewing the tapes of Tuesday night's show, I was shocked at the taurine-fueled monster I had become. Most shameful of all, Alex told me that I made my good friend and partner-in-Dome Melissa Wells uncomfortable with several rambling, awkward exchanges. That is completely out of character, and it shocked me more than anything else.

Domers, I know it will take more than an eloquent apology to win back your trust. i just hope you can hold me in your hearts as I struggle with the scourge of Bull's Milk dependence and that, one day, the Dome will be a safe place for all of us again.

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