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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Mysterious Defibrillator Saves Accident Victim, Disappears

SAN ANTONIO, TX—An unidentified defibrillator saved the life of heart-attack victim Clifford Moore, 67, and vanished without a trace, sources at Goode Company Barbecue reported Monday. "I was headed back for more condiments when I felt a terrible pain in my chest and collapsed," Moore said. "I think I must have passed out, but I remember feeling paddles on my chest and a sudden jolt. I wish that defibrillator would have stuck around... I would've liked to have thanked it." The only trace the phantom defibrillator left behind was a tiny, silver-adhesive-backed conductive pad found below an outdoor bench.

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