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Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Notable Female Writers Throughout History

Jane Austen died 200 years ago today, but she continues to be widely read and influential to today’s writers. The Onion highlights some of the most notable female authors throughout history.
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Mystery Freshman Dominates Ice Breakers, Disappears Into Night

VALPARAISO, IN—Following an eerie series of events during their first common room meeting Monday night, freshmen residents of Brandt Hall at Valparaiso University were left baffled by "Spence G.," an enigmatic floor-mate who executed the human knot, two truths and a lie, and invisible ball games with the same otherworldly ease and swiftness with which he later made his exit. "When it was Spence's turn to speak, he had a great anecdote about his most embarrassing moment, followed by an effortless quip that his hometown was 'as quiet as a cemetery,'" said Pasha Chandra, the resident adviser, who was later unable to locate Spence's name on the dorm roster. "It was so spooky. He seemed to have a perfect joke for every rule in the community living contract, but as soon as everyone looked back up after signing them, he was gone." At press time, none of the residents leaving the meeting had noticed a plaque on the door that reads "Spencer Gottleib Memorial Common Room."

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